Bemused Embrace of Nihilism

Sarcastic Ranterings September 16, 2010

Ranting or Pondering? Only the schizophrenic knows for sure.

I was trying to determine whether to title this blog “Sarcastic Ranting” or “Sarcastic Pondering”…. but after multiple seconds of introspection, decided to make up my own word because as an American, that’s my right……you hear that Obama……I want me illiteracy back!

Enough set up – the following is an amalgamation of random, bitter, disturbing thoughts…..for your reading pleasure.

If you always feel like Ozzy Osborne at 3 in the morning, how do you know when your sick?

I have just attempted to flush my sinus cavity with apple cider vinegar in a somewhat vain attempt at  momentary nasal clarity so I can, you know, breath and stuff. While it clearly did not work, the accompaning hallucinations are well worth the pain.

Chronic sinusitis is both a journey and a destination. Since its really the only constant in my life, I’ve come to regard it as a friend. Of course, there are some negative aspects to this relationship i.e. I’m never sure when I’m actually sick.

Am I throwing up because of a stomach virus or just gagging on your phlegm again? Is that…um….increased regularity a result or another virus or simply an overdose of antihistamines? Is my skin cold because of a reaction to a fever or the fact that I haven’t inhaled normally for 2 years (unlike Clinton, I WANT to inhale)? Pure unadulterated Chaos!

When did “making me puke” become redefined as entertainment?

You can’t spell “Gaga” without “Gag”. A meat dress? I mean I heard rumors that you had a thing for Scooby Doo, but this method of wooing is a little over the top……Plus you know that any relationship would be ruined by those meddling kids.

Ok, I get it. You think the “people” treat you like a piece of meat, so you dress up like one. That’s either artistic or autistic. Good thing you didn’t think people treated you like crap.

BTW, do you sing or something?

My 6 year old son was bored by football game, but was … um … closely observing the cheerleaders. Should I be disappointed or proud?

So, he’s an ab man. He actually refers to it as “bellies”, which makes it sound more innocuous, but its all about the midriff…..or the naval to be specific.

Touchdown scored? Who cares. Scantily clad cheerleaders girating? You had me a scantily.

The football fanaticism clearly skips a generation…..but lovin the ladies maintains the legacy track. And I’m told I’m supposed to find this disturbing.  Hmmm. I wonder what it would be like to have morals?

Since my soul is dead, why do I still feel guilty about …… anything?

The only thing in my life that even resembles any sort of religious or spiritual affiliation is my devotion to the Dallas Cowboys. I mean I do dedicate my Sundays to worshiping them – I follow the star.

On a related topic, oh striped one, do not throw a flag on the last play of the game. A penalty deciding a game should only happen if there was a crime committed, not an infraction.

Oh so the moral thing…the other day I was questioned about a prior religious affiliation from which I happily “fell away” (it rhymes with doorman). Anyway, as I started to relay an unnecessary explanation of living a life based on logic, instead of on “not drinking stuff” I felt a tinge of something that resembled guilt.

Of course it could have been indigestion. I haven’t felt guilt for years, so I wasn’t sure what it felt like.  Either there is some humanity left in me (I’m sure it was inherited and thus accidental) or my acid reflux is coming back. I’m hoping for the reflux, because lets face it, belching is much more fun that morality.

So, I think congratulations are in order. You just managed to make it through a rambling post about phlegm, gagging, moral relativism, and potential flatulence.

Take that Obama!