Bemused Embrace of Nihilism

Recent pre-meetings to prepare for a meeting, to discuss how to reduce the number of meetings made me reminisce to my beloved days living in the valley of  the sun……exposure.

Why exactly to people live in Phoenix? Speaking simply from an evolutionary aspect, its hard to believe that anything naturally selects this beautiful oven as a home, delighting in all that is barren and dry. Yet, simple survival of these inconceivable critters is not enough. They all have to secrete some sort of deadly venom i.e. Topher Grace.

It seems like every year I lived in the devil’s focus group, a new infestation occurred….locus, ants, desert roaches etc. Luckily, because I never lived  close to any water (there was a rumor going around that there actually is water in Phoenix), I avoided the Scorpion thing…..A couple of years ago, that infestation was Black Widow spiders.

Now, normally spiders do not bother me. They generally take care of other more annoying insects I’d rather not have around, and, on occasion, provide a delightful shiver of fear to a arachnophobic visitor. But, two years ago, my sweet son (he had not evolved yet into the caffeinated blur he has become and could still be considered sweet) was just beginning to walk and explore.

A black widow bite can be painful, but is not that dangerous to an adult. However, the same cannot be said for a 1 year old.

So, I had a serious predicament. I wanted to get rid of a potential threat to my beloved. However, I didn’t want to use an exterminator who would likely use toxic agents (not a good name for a real estate firm) to resolve the problem, because the toxins might be as dangerous to my begotten as the black widows.

So I sat and “Cost Benefitted” for days. I twisted my mind into a delusional pretzel.

Then one day, somewhat inebriated and frustrated over another sports fan disappointment (I need some new hobbies) I happened upon one of these pesky creatures and, in a fit of annoyance and clumsiness, Forrest Gumped my way into a solution.

I stepped on it.

After repeating this process approximately 10 times, my problem was gone.

So, what have we learned today?

1) Often the best solution to a perplexing issue is the easiest and most obvious?
2) Alcohol is the driving force behind all intellectual breakthroughs?
3) When beset with a problem, always try to stomp the life out of it especially if you wear a size 11 or higher?
4) People aren’t supposed to live in the Desert you moron?

I’ll pick bachelorette  #1.

Ok, lets wrap this up. Next time, before looking for an elaborate solution to a “challenge” try the most simple and obvious solution first. If that doesn’t work, then start drinking.

Or get a bigger shoe.