Bemused Embrace of Nihilism

Facebook……I don’t get it. I’d rather just get over it.

Maybe its making a reservation for a face, for like vacation or a party… “I’d like to book the Brad Pitt special from 9 to 10:30 on Wednesday the 15th….not available? Ok, I can live with Clooney”? Maybe its a whole book o faces, kind of like Vogue without the ode to headache ambiance?

Luckily for me, I have a feeling that my linguist conundrum of paradoxical non-descript terminology is likely to be short lived. For it is my belief based on reliable sources (that’s how I like to describe my multiple personalities) that Facebook will not be around much longer.

Look, I’m aware that I am wrong most of the time (did I mention I’m married?) but I think I’m onto something here. My basic premise is thus, when a technology becomes more annoying than useful, better start making virtual funeral arrangements, and backup your glorious alcohol inspired pictographs.

Try as hard as I may, I can’t remember the last time a visit to Facebook was enjoyable. Here’s a synopsis of my last 5 or so trips to the land of social irrelevance:

• The new friend request. This request of course comes  from someone you don’t really want to be friends with, but feel obligated to accept,  i.e. you dated them and broke it off in a bad way and feel guilty – the karma friend. You don’t want to be the only person on the planet not to friend Kim Kardashian (cite therab, 5.08.09) – the D-list friend. They gave birth to you……you get the picture.
• The random spam application. “Someone has a crush on you”. I own a mirror. I know that’s not true. 40 sarcastic, and currently an undocumented shade of white is not the description of a teen beat cover boy. “I shot you with a squirt gun.” Unless you put scotch in it, I really don’t care. “Your friend Andy took the “which spice girl are you” quiz.  Note to self, remove Andy from Friends list – and anyone else you might suspect of being EMO.
• Fake people. I’m not describing people who are not authentic on Facebook. Social networking was built so people could pretend to be something they’re not. For instance, in real life I’m often described as relentlessly chipper. No I mean actual fake people. Facebook entries made on behalf of a character usually “cleverly” devised by a marketing agency so that they or their client can “leverage” Web 2.0. Apparently they believe that once those of us with social networking disease discover their clever rouse, we will think its witty and embrace them. Sort of like when your Dad tries to use the word “dude”. It doesn’t work, and its kinda embarrassing.
• The final kiss of death. When you can actually play the “how many clicks does it take to get to my home page” game, its only a matter of time before those cringeworthy vacation pictures will find a new home.

Oh, one more. I realized yesterday that 90% of “my” postings were actually made by my wife attempting to make me appear more interesting. Yeah, good luck with that one.

So, Facebook my friend, well sorta a friend accepted begrudgingly, let me be the first to bid you adieu. Time for you to go the way of the MySpace. I may even send you digital flowers in remembrance of what once was. Don’t worry, I’m sure da internets will find a home for your annoying spam apps, and intrusive friend requests.

Maybe they can shift to LinkedIn? Its only on minute 11.