Bemused Embrace of Nihilism

Look,  the only thing really “green” about me is my beer on St. Patrick’s day.

Do I feel bad for Polar Bears? Sure. But next time they shouldn’t choose to live on something that melts. Do I welcome El Nino and La Nina? Of course…..they’re my favorite dishes at the Tex/mex restaurant “Aunt Chilada’s” (far and above “Someburros”). Am I painfully ignorant of the world around me?…..rhetorical.

But, there comes a point when the ignorant masses, of which I am proudly a member (gold level…..they wouldn’t give me platinum status because I still read the paper) can be energized behind an apparent liberal elitist cause. For that to occur, that cause has to hit them where it hurts! And Global Warming just Did!

You see our government subsidizing of Ethanol has increased the price and profit that can be gained by growing, and subsequently selling, corn. This means that many farmers are turning to growing corn instead of other crops. Reduced land from which to grow other crops also results in reduced availability of the crops……and the laws of supply and demand “Demand” that the price for those other crops will increase.

Those of you who know me well know that there are only two agricultural products that I have an emotional attachment to……Hops and Barley. So…..when the price of Hops and Barley go up, the unthinkable happens……

The price of BEER goes up!

You heard me right! I think I speak for many other Americans with an unsightly bulge around our midsection when I say you can make me take out a home equity line of credit to drive across three states, burn down enough of the Amazon rain forest that  Ice Cube will no longer be able to make bad movies there (no, Anaconda wasn’t a classic),  and turn all summers into “Arizona” summers  (but its a dry torturous death trap)…..

But don’t you dare impact my buzz!

Heed my warning…..Take action now! Trade in that Humvee for a Prius. Buy that nuclear waste lightbulb. Pretend that Ed Begley junior is relevant. Because if you don’t, the beer drinkers of the world will unite, take the reigns of power, and unleash our revenge on the world.

Or we’ll just have a kegger…..